Yeah, Not So Much

So, instead of working last night, I talked to the two women I wanted for handmaidens for a while, and then I watched (mmph) episodes of Community, which is a totally great show. (I keep telling myself: the episodes are half-an-hour! If this was House, it'd only be three (or four ... ) episodes. It's not that bad, really. Only then I look up how much I did watch last night ... ummm .... )

Anyway, today I'm going to Logan to meet with my parents, and so Dylan's mom can meet my parents, and we can all sit around and chat. And I suppose I can talk about that soon, but the plan for the long drive north is to finally write up the Sunday panels for CONduit.
And, this is it, because I have to be dressed and ready to go Very Soon Now.

twenty-seven years

I'm sitting in the kitchen (pulled a chair in from the front room), keeping DP company while he washes some dishes and cleans out the teapot that I overboiled (a lot) the other night. We'll have breakfast at some point.
After that? I don't really have plans for today, which is okay in some ways. DP and I talked about going to Discovery Gateway, which I think is the plan with the best chance, considering I saw Sorcerer's Apprentice last night and The Last Airbender last weekend.
I am going to do fireworks tonight; it's been a birthday tradition for a couple of years now.
I had my family birthday last night, and it was good. We played Killer Bunnies just like I wanted (though we didn't get to finish the game), and we ate chicken and corn and mashed potatoes (with gluten-free gravy) and watermelon and gluten-free cake with homemade frosting, yay! Then we saw Sorcerer's Apprentice, which, except for the "Morgana le Fay is the most evil sorcerer in the entire world, and she's the Big Bad" part, it was pretty good for a full-length movie inspired by an animated short.

Anyway, have a lovely day, all. I'll chat with you more later.

Coping

Kelly's funeral was this morning. It's been hard, and I still start crying whenever I talk about him. I guess I'm coping. I'm going to have a keening with some friends, and I think that is sorely needed.
It was awful seeing his body, because it's not him. He's so clearly not there anymore. His face was completely blank, which is definitely not him.
I found this picture of him on his daughter Marissa's Facebook page (she's the one in the middle, being held by her mom, Wendy), and thought, That's Kelly. He opened his arms to everyone he met, and said, Welcome.

Sun Sign: Cancer

I always objected to being a Cancer when I was younger; I hated living in my house, and being around my (huge and chaotic)family all the time, and Cancers are always supposed to be hugely maternal and family-oriented and love staying at home, etc.
As I've gotten older, I've realized, it manifests thusly: I need a haven. My haven is generally my home, especially now that I have at least some control over my home; particularly my bedroom. (I suppose it would be the whole house if I had the whole house to myself--a thing I want very much.) I need a haven. I need a place to go to, to recharge in. If I don't have that, I get really stressed out. This has been a really long week, and not for reasons that most people would understand, either. It's hard to explain to the average Virgo or Sagittarius that I've had a really long week because I haven't been home much, I haven't been able to recharge my batteries much at all this week. It's been awful.
So, today I'm dead. Partly because I spent over 7 hours on my feet, but mostly because I have been away from my haven for way too long.

Anyway, not much else to report, other than that I'm finally home. I've totally fallen down on my goals of writing and practicing violin every day, just because of this week, but I will get back on it. Promise.
And I'm going to veg out and watch old episodes of Bones on Hulu, maybe make some popcorn, and try to get some idea of a picture to take for today ....
Love you all!

Home again.

Just a brief update to say that I'm home again in my own home, and no longer hanging out with my family. I failed to see my aunts and uncle, which is sad, but ...
I've been practicing my violin a little, but I haven't been writing much. Blah.

But anyway ... I downloaded a bunch of rare Emilie Autumn songs from batteredrose.com, and I'm in love.
I love Emilie Autumn.

Also, my little sister's guinea pigs had babies again (probably the first boy baby impregnated his mother, since the father's had his balls cut out), and there's a possibility I might take the new babies. It depends on a couple things, like money and whether or not I can get all the supplies, and stuff, but I really want an animal or two, and cats are right out, as my roommate is allergic. So, I was thinking about rats, but since there are guinea pigs that will need a home soon ... I'm just hoping they're both girls. (They could be both boys, and what I've read so far says that more than two boys tend to be territorial (implying that two boys is fine), but I just remember from my mice days that multiple females was considered preferable than multiple males, because multiple males would fight and be more smelly.)
So, we'll see.

Anyway, like I said, just a quick update. I love you all!

One more Christmas update ...

Because I totally forgot!
Apparently, my Grandma knows Stephanie Meyer (who wrote Twilight), and Grandpa said that when I finish editing, etc., my novel, they can ask Stephanie Meyer for her agent's contact info, and that would be a serious networking leap for me.
So, I'm pretty much going to start on it as soon as I get back from my family's house.

The problem is ... while I was writing, I didn't have as much of a problem with it, because I was seriously just in the "write and don't worry about it" zone, but now ... I am seriously wondering if it's worthwhile at all. Blah.

Anyway, I love you all!!

Christmas

Happy Christmas.
I'm feeling better. (Thanks Nick!)

So, for explanations: I have three sisters (Emily, Brooks, and Libby), two brothers (Tyler and Joseph), and one "new" sister (Amia; she's a foreign exchange student living with my family for a year).
Tyler's doing a mission-thing for the LDS church currently, which means he was not here for Christmas.
So that's the people; plus my parents and grandparents (my dad's parents).

The traditions: Christmas Eve, we read about "the birth of Christ" in the Bible. We also do this Swedish tradition that I helped bring back to our family; my great-grandparents (on my dad's side) were Swedish (like, they came over from Sweden), and when they were alive and we had Christmas with them we did the "oolie-oolie-oolie-ay", which is the "we-don't-know-Swedish" version. It's an old Pagan custom, of course, adapted for Christianity and taken over by Santa Lucia, who is an Italian saint that got REALLY popular in Sweden for some reason, and the tradition involves the oldest girl-child wearing a crown of greens and candles (we use electric) and ringing bells, leading the rest of the family through every room of the house, singing and ringing the bells, to chase away the bad spirits and invite the good ones.
Papa and Mema were the only ones who really knew the song, though, so when they died, no one else could really do it anymore. So one Christmas, as a present to my dad, I talked to several family members, and got the music and the words and a rough phonetic pronounciation, and made the crown and the bells, and so now every year we do it.
(Long explanation, sorry.)
Also, we get pajamas every year on Christmas Eve (so we can sleep in them and wake up on Christmas in them), and an ornament every year--which, for the last two years, we've chosen names Secret Santa-style and made ornaments for each other. And we each open one present before going to bed.

So. For the Secret Santa, I got my sister Brooks, and Amia had me. I made Brooks a clay turtle ornament, because she loves turtles--and she LOVED it, which made me happy. Since we put all the ornaments on the tree, and then just pick them up and hand them to our person on Christmas Eve, I was looking at all the new ornaments, and there was this awesome Solstice-y one that was a gold ball, and a sun(flower) hanging from it (I'll post pictures once I'm back home), and that was my favorite (though there were other cool ones). And that was the one Amia had made for me! Which was awesome!
Our Christmas Eve presents, we usually open the present from our Secret Santa person, unless there's a reason not to (like I hadn't finished Brooks' corset yet, so she opened someone else's present), and Amia got me a REALLY nice copy of The Mists of Avalon--which is an AMAZING book!

Then, in the morning, we do the rest of the presents.
It was gratifying, because everyone really liked my presents. I got Joseph a play-dough set; Libby got a locking diary (to go inside the hollow book I got her for her birthday); Brooks of course got her corset (or, will get as soon as I'm finished); Amia got cute earrings with snowflakes on them (she's from Bolivia and Colombia and hasn't seen a lot of snow until getting here, so she loves things with snow); and I got Emmy a CD that took FOREVER to find (Remember That I Love You, by Kimya Dawson).
So that part was awesome.
Emmy got me a GORGEOUS bottle and Brooks got me an AWESOME wind-chime thingy.
I also got a super-suvvy (soft&fuzzy) robe and new slippers (my old ones were dying).
But the best presents were an air popper (for popcorn), which makes me SOOO happy (I LOVE popcorn), and a violin, which I didn't ask for, which makes it even better, in a way.
The violin was my mom's, for a while, when she was younger. So that's really cool. She also got me a book and a CD and things like a shoulder rest and rosin and useful violin-y things.
It makes me super-happy. It also means that my goal of learning to play the violin this year will be a LOT easier.

So, anyway, that was Christmas.
Our other tradition is to go see a movie in the evening; we saw Bedtime Stories, which I liked more than I thought I would.

On a quick non-Christmas-related note: I think my relationships-situations are looking up slightly. At least, I've had conversations with my complicated, and we've talked about things, which helps. (And I got to talk about the boy who doesn't like me enough, which made me feel a little better about it.)

Anyway, I'm less depressed/worried than I was before, so yay.
Happy Christmas. I love you all.

Gods Rest Ye Unitarians
(sung to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen)
Gods rest ye Unitarians
Let nothing you dismay
Remember there's no evidence,
There was a Christmas Day
When Christ was born is just not known
No matter what they say
Oh, tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact
Oh tidings of reason and fact

There was no Star of Bethlehem,
There was no angel song.
There couldn't have been three wise men;
The trip would take too long.
The stories in the Bible are
Historically wrong
Oh, tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact
Oh tidings of reason and fact

Our current Christmas customs come
From Persia and from Greece
From solstice celebrations of
The ancient Middle East
The whole damn Christmas spiel is just
Another pagan feast
Oh, tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact
Oh tidings of reason and fact

Home

I've been home for all of ten seconds, and already I'm depressed.
I get to sleep on the couch because "I don't know where else to put her" (and I quote). I get to find my own pillows and blankets (and the house is freezing, as always), and there's no blinds on the HUGE window in the family room, so it's a good thing I remembered my eye mask thing. And of course my brother's going to want to watch TV at like 7 in the morning ...

Blah. I'm depressed. If it weren't for the fact that my aunts and uncle were coming in on Saturday, I would absolutely say right now that I'm leaving ASAP, which would be Friday. But they are, so I'm only seriously considering it, instead of deciding.

I'm so fucking tired of this shit.

But I love you all ...

Singing!

I LOVE singing!
My family didn't end up making it to the Solstice singing, because of the awful weather, but that's okay.
It was amazing, and I wish I had the ability to make a recording of us, and put it on the blog, but alas.
But anyway, I've really missed singing with the choir, so I'll probably join up again after New Year's. People in the Solstice choir kept asking me if I was going to join up again.
But I loved it. It made me so happy to be singing again.
So.

Also, I've added two new goals to my Big Fun Scary Goals, and I made a thingy on the right that lists them all, so I can keep track of them.
The new goals: Project 365, which is take a picture every day for a year. I've started up a new blog just for that (so as not to overrun the personal blog with the project, but I will post some pictures), and I'll put the address in here somewhere as soon as it's viable. Also, start seriously paying off my debts. I wasn't going to make that a goal, but ... it needs to happen. So.
Progress Report: the only thing to report on is that I've written or done writerly things every day since Wednesday, so that's three days in a row. (Yesterday I made a private blog for my writings, so when I'm visiting my family for the holidays I can still write every day, since my laptop's out of commission ... it counts as a writerly thing.)

Anyway, love you all!

Holidays and stuff

First of all, happy Solstice! It's coming up soon. (I'll probably post something specifically for that, though, so ... )
To any friends who are in the area and read this and who I haven't told yet: I'm singing on Friday (tomorrow) at the Unitarian Church (1300 E 600 S, roughly) at 6pm, there's a Solstice service, it'll be fun. Come! Hear me sing! You know, if you can.

Umm, but I'm really excited about that. I haven't done choir stuff in a while, so it's exciting for me.

Also, I'm starting a writing project of faerie stories. I'm borrowing heavily from White Wolf's Changeling: the Lost for now, but that's just to make it easier to just write. I'll edit it later and make up my own stuff, but it'll continue to be influenced by C:tL, because it's an AMAZING game!! (I've been reading the book so I know how cool it is and whether or not it's worth playing, because my Sunday Storyteller wants nothing to do with it, and I think that's bollocks. Especially having read part of the book.)
But anyway, I'm not entirely certain what form the writing project will take; I started thinking it would be a series of short stories, but I started putting words down, and now I'm not certain. Maybe it'll still be a series of short stories, but that are more connected than I was originally thinking. Who knows?
But I'm excited about that.

Also, back to the Solstice singing: I told my family about it, and my dad called me last night looking for slightly more details, because they had another thing to go to that night, and .... the shocking part was, my dad was wondering if they should cancel the other thing entirely, or if they would be able to do both!
This is a shock to me, because I was traumatized in my childhood by my mother choosing to go to a Garth Brooks concert instead of my choir concert ... it was very sad for me, and I guess taught me to expect that sort of thing to continue happening, so I'm very happy that my family's coming to hear me sing. I just wish that some of my other family members were going to be showing up sooner, so they could come, too. (Like, my sister's coming into town on Saturday ... I can't remember when my grandparents are coming, but probably not tomorrow ... and the rest of my family isn't coming until after Christmas, so ... )

But anyway ... I'm poor as fuck, by the way, which sucks ass.
We'll see how that goes. I guess I just need to get another shitty job (something I'd been avoiding) that still gives me enough time to write. I really do want to fix up the couple stories I have so I can try selling them ... It would be nice to get a couple rejection slips. I'll feel like a real writer then.

hey, it's a holiday ...

First, important news flash: I was NOT depressed yesterday! Yay!

But it's Thanksgiving, which is a "family" holiday, and it's the first Thanksgiving EVER where I'm not spending it with some version of family (the best was probably when I was with Nick, and I spent it with HIS family, because I actually liked his family).
That's the thing. I'd be depressed if I was spending the day with my family (or worse, if I was spending the weekend with my family) because they'd manage to make known to me all the ways in which I am a disappointment--or they would ignore me, either way.

But the only plan I have for Thanksgiving is something later tonight where I'm likely to know one person, and meanwhile all of my friends are off frolicking with their families, and I'm effing depressed.

I fucking hate holidays. Or at least Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Year's ... it's the time of year I am most forcibly reminded that, for the most part, no one really sees me ...

Chicago?

So, my sister's here for Christmas, and it's been crazy-amazing. She and I have just been spending a lot of time talking, whenever we can, which usually tends to be around midnight. Last night we went into my room, I read the Tarot cards for her, and then we just talked about our fucked-up family, and life and religion/spirituality and art and music and relationships, and especially how our family has basically fucked us up in the relationship arena.

And we talked about Chicago, and I'm thinking seriously about moving to Chicago again. I've found that my biggest fear, in moving, is that I have this "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" problem with people I don't see that often. I can only feel connections with people when they're right there, when I'm in the midst of a connection. When I don't see people for a while, I tend to lose that connection, and also to forget we ever had a connection (I tend to forget we were ever friends).
It really sucks.

But my book, How I Stayed Alive, talks about that, and about ways to maintain connections with people you don't see that often. So I feel like that might be okay. You know?

Anyway. Just thoughts.

I'm Going to be a Wayward Victorian Girl Escaped From an Asylum (Complete with Plague Rat!)

Part of what's amusing to me about my conversations with my dad is the communication (or lack thereof) between us. For instance, when we talk about how much money I need to live comfortably, I'm thinking in "per month", and he's thinking in "per year". Per year numbers, unless they are easily divisible by 12 months (like $12000 or $24000) confuse me. Dad said $30000 or $40000 or something, and I drew a complete blank about how much money that was, how close it was to my "what I can live with" line, etc.
Ridiculous.

Anyway, Hallowe'en is less than a week away, and I don't have a fucking corset yet. I found four milk jugs in the recycling this morning--the plastic is cut into strips and replaces the whalebone--and so I grabbed them, and the next time I go inside, I'll rinse them out, and maybe find better scissors than mine that Mom will let me use on plastic. Then I'll have the boning. But I still need fabric, grommets, and ribbon, at the very least, and lace and more ribbons if I want my corset all pretty and decorated.
Bah. I have nearly everything else, so I can skip the corset if I have to, especially since I've been invited to a Saturday Hallowe'en party, which I think is this Saturday, as in tomorrow. (I just checked, it IS this Saturday, as in tomorrow--NO CORSET for me!)
Actually, just after writing that, I started thinking: Well, if I spend the morning playing with my wig and looking up corset patterns, then buy my plague rat and the necessary bits for corset-making when I go into SLC today, and then spend this evening and tomorrow morning/afternoon sewing the corset .... then I might have a chance.
So I'm looking at corset patterns right now ...

If You Feel Better

Hey, it's my new theme song! Or definitely should have been a couple months ago (when I got that crappy email). It is, of course, Emilie Autumn, it is called If You Feel Better, and it's from Enchant, and I'm changing one word to make it more my theme song--her line is: "How can any man be so blind".

If you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
I don't mind
If it's necessary
If it helps you out
Crying that I'm heartless
It's alright

And I'm sorry to cause you so much pain
And I'm sorry to bring you down again
'Cause I've reached the end and I won't fight anymore
I don't know what you really want from me
But I don't fit in your reality
How can anyone be so blind
But if you feel better
I don't mind

Won't make me sorry 'cause I'm cruel
Won't hurt the feelings I don't have
Won't break the heart that isn't there you'll find
But if you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
I don't mind

I must say again, I absolutely ADORE Enchant. And I feel terrible, because I've been ignoring Laced/Unlaced, and Unlaced is amazing.

Oh, I also had some very good chats with people today.
Tara, my boss: we talked about insurance and how I may be able to get insurance next month, instead of waiting six months. We also discussed my hypothyroidism, and it was very, very good. (Note to self: talking to people and trusting people is very good for me.) Ummm, she also said some really nice about what I'm like when I'm functioning. That was good, because I feel so fucking misunderstood a lot of the time, because of the thyroid fucking with me.
Dad: we chatted about how he's mostly worried about my (lack of) insurance, and if I can pay for insurance+doctor's bills and take care of myself on the Bakery paycheck, that he, despite practically forcing me (I was unwilling) to apply for crappy jobs through Monster, doesn't actually care what I do for a living. He was mostly worried (apparently) about the fact that I was going to have to wait six months to have insurance.

I also spent some time with a good friend of mine I kinda like the other night. We chatted a lot. Mostly about stupid stuff, nothing serious. But again, it was just nice to sit and talk, and not worry about anything. I worry too much. About what people think, what they're saying about me behind my back, when they're going to decide they hate me and never want to talk to me again.

Anyway. I am fucking tired, so I'm going to sleep.

Thoughts on Marriage, Partnerships and Pregnancy

This post is brought to you by (because of?) bloomergrrl. Not like that, but she wrote a short post about marriage, and I got to thinking. (I'm not copying off you on purpose, bloomergrrl ... )

So anyway. Her post (in case you don't feel like reading it) was about how people shouldn't define their entire lives/happinesses on whether or not they're married or whether or not their relationships have "failed".
And I whole-heartedly agree. (So you were dating someone, and decided you wouldn't be happy with them for the rest of your life, and you're not dating them anymore ... how has that relationship failed? In my book, you successfully got out of an unhappy relationship.) Anyway, moving on.

I am basically single (I am technically not in any kind of committed relationship right now, but I do have a lover), and for the most part, I'm okay with that. I'm becoming more okay with my current situation every time I think about it.
Because I never want to get married. Because I can't see myself staying with one person the rest of my life. (The possible exception to this is if I find someone that I work very well with, and there is mutual respect/levels of commitment, and serious honesty. "Love" as most people think of it is not required (aka, passion). And the ability to take lovers and be completely honest about it and be honestly okay with it is required. That's where the passion comes in. And no, I don't really believe in monogamy, which is to say, it doesn't work for me.)

The biggest problem I have with this is, I want a baby. I want a child. My baby-cravings are not as strong now as they were a couple months ago, but I know it's only a matter of time before they come back.
My problem is, I belong to a conservative and judgmental family. I don't personally have a problem with conceiving, giving birth to and raising a child without a "partner". But I shudder to think about how my family would react. Getting pregnant and then getting married is one thing, permissible, and hardly spoken of (just ask my sister ... although getting divorced afterward is more trying, I think). But if I were to knowingly get pregnant without any intention of marriage ... I can't think how certain family members would react.
And I have so much trouble with the idea of raising a child in that kind of atmosphere, that kind of family. I know they would treat me and my child differently than, say, my brother and his potential family, when he gets home from preaching his/their religion to the world, and all that. And I'm pretty sure I can handle it; but I don't want my child to go through that.

I've been wondering if it would make it lightly better for my family if I were to tell them I want a baby, so I'm going for In Vitro, or something similar. I haven't decided. ('Tell' being the operative word, here, because I'd rather go the natural way ... )

Anyway, this is mostly moot point right now. I need a bit more stability in my life before I can think about raising a child.

By the way, Emilie Autumn is ENCHANTing ... I've been listening to Enchant pretty much non-stop since yesterday, and it's beautiful. (My lover made me a copy of Enchant and Laced/Unlaced, because he's a darling)

You know I think it's strange
Just a little bit deranged
That you think I'm gonna change to make you happy
If you can tell me why
I should wait around then I
May be coming down
But until then this means
You can see me in your dreams
Emilie Autumn, How Strange

Winter is Officially Here

As in, it snowed last night, and there is still snow on the ground this morning. Maybe it needs the 24-hour test? I dunno. And I'm sure it's because we're so high up in the mountains, I'm sure SLC didn't get as much snow.
Yesterday, because we had the entire family here, my mom wanted to take family pictures. So we all went out into the backyard, took pictures by these trees, and even took some pictures of leaf fights, throwing around handfuls of leaves. Last night we came home from dinner, and it was snowing, and my mom was like, quick, let's take the winter family photos now!
Of course, we didn't because it was so dark, but we may actually do it after church.

My problem is that because I'm "invited" to go to church, and not required, I have a three-hour in window in which my family (and the whole neighborhood--advantages of living where I do, I guess) is at church . . . and I had decided to be brave and do a (brief) nude "photoshoot" (I'm uncomfortable using real photography/modeling terms for what I do . . . I'm not sure why) outside in the leaves.
Well, now there's no leaves. Lots of snow. I might do something in the snow. Maybe. If so, I have to come up with it before I go out, because it will be so freaking cold.

Alanis Morissette

because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't afford to be misread one more time

and who do you think you are why do you question me?
Can't Not, by Alanis Morissette

Sorry, but my life right now is revolving around certain things: my thyroid and how it affects me and how so many people have completely misread me, the note I got from my "friend" and wondering how the rest of that group of friends feels about me, and the way the past keeps repeating itself, and how I always want to run away whenever I fuck up that badly.

It's just that I'd complain about some of the ways my body's not working, and people would always just be like, oh, it's just stress. You're not depressed, you're stressed. Your body's not falling apart, you're just stressed. You're not going crazy, you're just stressed. (Oh, wait.)
I remember vividly talking to the Storyteller of the Sunday games, telling him about problems I've already complained about (the constant fatigue, the inability to sleep, etc.), and then I told him the "new development", that thyroid problems run in my family, and I think that might be it. Now, I didn't mention that I had just learned this that weekend, because I figured he'd understand that since I hadn't mentioned it before, he would realize I hadn't known about it before.
No. He assumed I had known about it all along, and basically told me, you're just imagining things. You're just looking for a reason, an excuse, when really, you're just stressed.
And I mean, I guess it makes sense. It makes sense that people would already know their own family's medical history, and all that.
The problem, of course, being that I'm not most people. My dad was adopted, and has no medical history from his biological parents. And my dad's the one who brought us the thyroid problem.
Blah.

I'm supposed to be cleaning (again, my "rent"), but I was listening to Alanis while cleaning, heard the song, and had to post a note.
Laters, before dad finds me on the computer and yells at me.

My Hectic Week

I'm moving in with my family this weekend. Not my ideal situation, but I'm low on cash, and my roommate's moving out soon. And I really am so effing tired of the living situation. (It's a basement apartment, and so is very dark; there's way too much water energy, so it floods; my roommate is suddenly Catholic, and his new girlfriend is vapid (and over all the time).)
Blah.
But anyway, I need to finish packing by Wednesday, because I'm finally starting my new job on Thursday, so my dad's going to come and get most of the rest of my stuff Wednesday so we don't have to worry about it? Or something.
And did I mention that fact that my family lives in the ass-end of nowhere, and I have my life (job, friends, writing and gaming groups) where I'm living now? Or the fact that my family is moderately-to-highly (but not fanatically) religious/Christian, and that I am moderately-to-highly spiritual/Pagan, and they are going to want me to go to Church, and all that?
Blah.

Anyway, I gotta go. I'm on a public computer (at least I'll be able to use my family's computer till I get a new Charger for my laptop (old one ruined by flooding in the kitchen) for internet), and my roommate needs his car soon.
Much love! (and bloody muffins)
the Opheliac, the wretched whore