November is Here!

Holy Rusted Metal, Batman!
The first week of November is drawing to a close, and my, has it been nuts!
Hallowe'en was a GOOD day, filled with sewing and friends and feasting and serious emotion. THEN, instead of writing frantically on November 1st, or even going to game, as it was a Sunday, I spent The Entire Day sewing, because I had a concert to go to. And not just any concert: Emilie Autumn was in town, boys and girls.
It was amazing. I made a corset, bloomers, etc. I bought boots that kick ass. (I have pictures of all of this, but alas, my computer refuses to recognize my camera, and thus will not upload the pictures yet.) The show itself was an insane steampunk Victorian burlesque nightmare, with stiltwalker, fire-eating, flaming hula hoops and lots of blood. Also, I met EA before and after the show; just for a minute before the show, as Emilie Autumn was leaving her tour bus to go into the venue. She greeted each of us, and hugged us and gave us each a kiss, and she is just adorable. After the show was an exclusive reading (of her book about bipolar disorder and institutionalization, both modern and Victorian), as well as an opportunity to get a picture with her and get something signed. I gave her a rat that I had knitted, and I got hugs from EA, Naughty Veronica and Captain Maggots (both members of the Bloody Crumpets, her backup singers/dancers). It was all just delightfully wonderful.
I spent the next several days recovering.
Today I finally sat down and did some serious work on my National Novel Writing Month novel. I have written 3000 words in total so far; if I had been writing 1667 every day like I was supposed to, I'd have about 10,000 so far. Alas. But I plan on writing like a mad girl to catch up.
I was unfortunately unable to watch V for Vendetta yesterday (I was still recovering) like I wanted, but I watched it today, and it was delightful as always.
It also made me think of the time a few years ago when I shaved my hair. I've been thinking I should do that again. There are multiple reasons; the one I usually share is the one to do with the stereotypical view of feminine beauty, and how it usually involves long hair (speaking of, I can put my hair in a ponytail now!), and the fact that my hair doesn't look very good long, at least in my opinion. I did want to prove to myself that I could be beautiful without long hair.
But for Samhain (which aside from the feasting I completely forgot about), I have a tradition of drawing a card which informs my magickal/personal processes for the coming year. This year I wanted to just choose the card, because I want the Tower. There are reasons, and if you want to know, ask, and we can discuss it.
But I think that shaving my hair--a symbolic beheading--is appropriate magickal work for the Tower. So we'll see. I'd prefer to borrow a beard-trimmer to do the work: anyone who reads this have one I could borrow?

Anyway, I believe this is an adequate telling of recent events, and I have to work at 6am tomorrow. So, love you all, talk to you later.

Photoshoot

There's more pictures at http://fox-wise.deviantART.com, and the photographer can be found at http://jinsfch.deviantART.com

It was TONS of fun, by the way. I really like modeling. I got to dress up--the corset is something I made, the skirt was modified with lots of safety pins and some tulle and some padding to make it puffy--and put on crazy makeup and do my hair REAL crazy, and it was just FUN.
Plus, honestly, I think that modeling is a more healthy outlet for my self-centered/attention-needy tendencies. MUCH better than trying to find a boy who will pay attention to me.

Anyway, I've got nearly 23,500 words (of the 50,000 needed for National Novel Writing Month), so I'm going to finish up my web-trawling and attention-whoring, and go back to writing.
Much love to you all!!!

As Cool As I Am

I'm going to be getting insurance really soon. (It should have been set up Friday, but our boss (Tara) called the insurance people, and they didn't answer, and as of when I left work on Friday, they hadn't called back ... Tara was sick Saturday, the Tea Shop is closed Sundays, and I don't work today ... ) Once I get insurance, I'm going to see a doctor.

I'm looking for a new place to live, also roommates. There's two places I kinda want--the first, the girl who lives there sounds pretty kick-ass, and I think we'd get along. The second, I'd have a room and a living room-type of thing to myself, which means, space for writing and ritual. They're both not really in the area I want, but that's okay.

Also, I bought a humidifier, and it has made SUCH a difference! I've been sleeping better since I got it.

It snowed majorly, and my stairs are covered in snow, which sucks. I feel like I'm going to fall and die whenever I go down them ...

Also, I was starting to hate my hair, because I'm not going to shave it again, and it's growing out and in that in-between stage, and I wear a hat all the time at work, which made it worse. I was talking to a friend of mine, who suggested dying an extreme color, "like platinum blond or black", to help me get through the in-between stage. I was like, "Well, I've done black before ... "
So, I bought some bleach, and yesterday:


You look out of the kitchen window and you shake your head and say low,
"If I could believe that stuff, I'd say that woman has a halo,"
And I look out and say, "Yeah, she's really blond."
As Cool As I Am, Dar Williams


I'm listening to Dar Williams. The thing about Dar is, she uses words very differently than most people. It makes her songs seem a little ... weird. I was listening to a mix CD my lover made me a while back, and we were talking, and suddenly I heard the line "You stopped and pointed and you said, "That's a crocus," And I said, "What's a crocus?" and you said, "It's a flower," I tried to remember, but I said, "What's a flower?" You said, "I still love you."
And I said, is that Dar Williams? And he said, very good, how did you know? And I said, because the lyrics almost made sense.
But I've discovered that there's an emotion behind her songs, and if you can connect to that emotion, then the song suddenly makes sense. It happened with February (the flower song), and then with As Cool As I Am on Saturday. So, that makes two of her songs that I actually understand.

Anyway. I hope everyone's having a lovely day.
I love you all!

No fucking clue

More on a similar topic (similar to my last post).
I've had lots of thoughts swirling around in my head, and I'm not sure they're ready for culmination and expulsion yet.
But here goes:
The tea shop at which I work (that is not yet open) is owned by an older British couple, Robin and Elizabeth. They are somewhat conservative. Elizabeth has this very solid idea in her mind of what she wants the girls serving the customers to look like, complete with lacy aprons that are a story all their own.
She has told two of the three girls working on the counter (immediately upon meeting them) how cute they would look in the lacy aprons. Guess who the third girl is?
Nathaniel (a coworker) told me the other day (while trying on the aforementioned aprons) that it was the first time I'd looked like a girl.
I saw a girl today walking on the arm of a man; her hair was shaved off, shorter than mine is now, possibly shorter than mine has ever been, and I thought of that horrible email my "friend" sent me. What she said about my hair, and I quote: "i don't know why you shaved your head, but it looks horrible. i thought i could stand it until it grew back in, but then when it started to get long again, you shaved it! I had gotten my hopes up that it would get long and normal…oh well." And she said other nasty things about me "pretending to be sexy", etc. And I thought about someone whose opinion matters very much to me who said he liked my hair better when it was longer and more growed out.
And I thought, Do I care about being physically attractive?
I still don't have an answer.

I shaved my hair to redefine (for myself) physical beauty, because I have gone through major love/hate relationships with my appearance. I shaved my hair as part of my descent, as in "the Goddess rebirths, cuts her hair and goes under to tend the sleeping souls". I shaved my hair because I am interested in a warrior's path, on which I might learn about strength, and honor, and dealing with pain, and in my mind, I had two options: growing my hair long and putting it in either dreads or braids, decorated with beads and feathers, like warriors of lots of ancient cultures; or shaving my hair, like warriors of my culture. I chose the latter because of Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta, and also because I don't think long hair looks very good on me.
And when I shaved my hair, my descent was much clearer and sharper for me, and my roommate suggested that it was a symbolic beheading, and I was very comfortable with death and decay.

And now I am looking at older pictures of myself, and thinking of all the things people have said to and about me (that I know of), and thinking maybe I should grow my hair out again. It looked really cute that time when I cut it myself.

And I have no fucking clue.