New Freakin' Year!

New Year's Resolution #1:

Say "Gorramit" more frequently.*

And that works, because the Wheel of Time curse words (which I tend to use while reading the books) don't really have a satisfying replacement for "Goddammit"; there's "Light!", "Burn me!", "Blood and ashes!", "flaming", "burning" and "bloody", and of course, one of my favorites: "Sheep swallop and bloody buttered onions!"
But none of those fills the same meaning-slot as "Gorramit".

I've started reading The Happiness Project, a Christmas present from my mother.  Though I'm starting a little late for starting in January (not much time to think about what my goals for the year are, though I can make them up as I go, if necessary), I think I'm going to follow the guidelines/principles/whatevers in the book.  Starting with making my bed, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, and going to the gym.  You know, the important stuff.

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* Which, of course, refers to Firefly.

New Year

It's been two weeks of not-posting. I apologize. Granted, Christmas/New Year can be some of the busiest time of the year for--well, for most people, but still.
Anyway, here I am. What shall I talk about?
I finished the Changeling game. I created an adventure, ran it for some friends, and finished it, and people had fun. It has the feeling of something accomplished. I might do it again. However, I seem to need a year for my ideas to percolate and truly form, so I don't know if I'll get to do the next story at the coming Vernal Equinox, like I'd like to.

I survived Christmas. I got some lovely things, and was even surprised by some of the things I got, and presents I gave to other people were mostly well-received. There's still a tree in my living room, and I'm not sure when it's coming down.

DP and I saw Tangled, which was mostly lovely, aside from the continued idea that, in order to be truly happy, a man cannot be less powerful than his woman. (And specifically, that if he is, she must correct the balance ... ) Seems similar to Virgin Power, in that regard.

And, I went to a doctor! Talked about all the various things wrong with me, checked my height and height, got my blood drawn. I have a large bruise where the needle went in the second time, and I get to get more blood drawn tomorrow very early, fasting. Because the doctor likes to get a baseline cholesterol reading, apparently ...
And then later this month, I have an appointment to get the results of all the blood tests ...
One thing that surprised me a little: I was telling the doctor about all of my vitamins and supplements, which include Holy Basil for depression, Omega 3-6-9 which helps with depression, and I'm currently "trying out" St. John's Wort to see if that will help at all. So, he asked about that, and I had opportunity to mention the diagnoses of Major Depression and Anxiety NOS. The part that surprised me was when he mentioned antidepressants. It's a free clinic, after all, and while I was pretty sure they'd be able to help with my purely physical things, I had forgotten that doctors prescribe drugs, and could prescribe antidepressants. So I told him I'd think about it, and then we talked about blood tests.
My thoughts so far are: I believe in making the diet work first, doing as much as you can with your nutrition, and if that doesn't help, then move on to supplements and homeopathics, etc., and then if that doesn't help, then look into antidepressants. Plus, I'm about to start seeing a counselor thanks to Voc Rehab, and I'd like to see what she says about it, before agreeing to medications.
Still, this year seems to be made entirely of new, because I'm seeing doctors and counselors. It seems amazing.

Ring Out, Wild Bells

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light:
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more;
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.
Alfred Lord Tennyson

It's a song in my church hymnbook growing up, and it was my favorite song ever. The song doesn't have all the verses his poem does. It's a bit much, altogether, but I still like it. (I'll admit, I mostly like the paganness of the first verse.)
But it's still a truth: you need to let certain things die, you need to give death to things that are holding you back. I think this year I am giving death to my lack of trusting; I know this year is about connections, and healing. I put an ad on Craigslist looking for friends, because I need more, but also because this year I am reaching out, and connecting with people, and looking for healing in embracing others, and not turning away from them. We'll see how that goes. (I admit freely I can be a lousy friend ... but I'm working on it.)
(For those who know/are interested, I drew a single card for the new year (this was for Samhain), and I got the Queen of Cups, reversed.)

My first goal for the New Year is to make my goals slightly more goal-like. They say you're supposed to make goals tangible things, to make them more achievable, and right now I have things like "make a new wardrobe". Blah. What does that mean?
I also have to find a way to do my everyday things (like practicing the violin and writing) on Sundays, which even in November, I only wrote on one Sunday, and then not very much.
I also had, I think, two others that I had been thinking about, and didn't write down, and now I can't remember.
That sucks. Hopefully I'll remember them, though.

Anyway, love you all! Have a lovely New Year's Eve!

Happy New Year!

It's 2008!
And my New Year's Eve was pretty freaking awesome.

My sisters are talking about New Year's Resolutions. I haven't come up with one. Maybe I'll think about it.

But certain New Year's goals are:
To move out of this F-ing house. (Possibly to Chicago)
To see a doctor, and get my thyroid fixed.
To de-clutter, get rid of as much of my crap as I can.

Anyway, here's hoping your New Year's are everything you want them to be.
Love you all!

New Year Update

So, Samhain (roughly November 1st, rough Pagan equivalent to Hallowe'en) is generally considered the Pagan's New Year.
I was sort of resisting that, because I wanted everything to be nice and symmetrical: dawn is the beginning of the day (for me), so spring should be the beginning of the year, and east where I start in Circle. And, likewise, if I call Samhain the New Year, that means the beginning of the day has to be somewhere between sunset and midnight (as Samhain is halfway between Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice, the sunset and midnight of the year), and I'd have to start my Circle in the northwest?
Ah, symmetry.

Anyway, if Samhain does mark the beginning of the year, then this year is known as The Year of Taking Off the Mask.
I had a mask base, that I had made a couple years ago, when I was still part of a group. I had been keeping it for ... something. I didn't know what. For a while, it was significant to me to keep it blank, and leave it on my altar.
But I decided that there were several things I needed to let go of this year. And that group I was a part of was something that needed to be let go of. Which for me meant getting rid of or making new use of the physical pieces I had been holding onto.
So, after some serious thought, and a conversation, I decided that instead of making putting on the mask the significant act, taking the mask off would be the significant act, and the mask was to represent all of me that is unhealthy, that is sick, that is holding me back, that I want to change, and every mean thing anyone has ever said about me. (That I could remember.)
So I wrote all sorts of words on the mask, and it was an extremely powerful ritual. When I wore The Mask, I could feel the weight of all those words, and when I took The Mask off, the relief was intense.

Clearly, this is a thing that evokes change over a longish period of time, which means I need to wear The Mask frequently, so I can perform the significant act of taking it off.
I've tried it once since the fifth, which is actually when I did the ritual, but I was feeling so numb and detached that day that I couldn't feel anything, even The Mask.

Happy New Year.