No energy. Fatigue. So much pain (especially headaches, joint pain, back pain). My gut is constantly disturbed. I'm either never hungry, or still starving after eating.
Food isn't food to my body; I don't want anything. I'm depressed. I am so tired of all of this, I just want to be done with it. Emotions are distant things; motivation is absent.
DP is fixing dinner (because he's a wonderful human being and takes care of me far beyond what I deserve), and though I can smell the tater tots and fish, my stomach is still feeling rebellious and, at the same time, completely disinterested.
I get exhausted at about 8pm. I spend the day in a brain fog, with no motivation to do anything. I start weeping for no obvious reason. Right now I am in too much pain (my back/spine, my neck, my joints, m head, my jaw, the lower back muscles, my shoulders) for me to be able to stand doing anything for more than a couple minutes.

Food might be ready, and I can't find a comfortable way to sit and write. Sorry, both for the short length of this blog, and for the topic. I don't like going on (online) about all the ways my life/health sucks. I feel like it gets boring.
Hopefully sleep will help ...

I'm at a coffee shop in 15th&15th, and I have to work later this afternoon, and I have to make a stop at the downtown library before work, so this won't be long.
Today I made the trek to 15th&15th (my new address is 13th and 10th, so this is about as close as 9th&9th, plus it has The King's English, which 9th&9th certainly doesn't have ... ), and I'm pleased with it. There's an Einstein's Bagels, which unfortunately has nothing I can eat, but I have fond memories of Einstein's from my wheat-eating days (DP and I walking to Einstein's between first and second service, because I hadn't gotten any breakfast ... this was before we were dating). There's a couple restaurants, which would be good if DP and I needed an evening out and were capable of thinking of dinner before ten pm. There's the aforementioned King's English, and the Starbuck's I'm at right now ... unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any little local coffee shops in the area. And there's Tony Caputo's market, which is a little expensive, I think, but it's local and good.

I'm feeling depressed, and I might be cramping/nauseated/hungry; I can't tell. I just know that my middle is uncomfortable.
DP and I (with the help of our dear friends) put in some work in the kitchen, going through the dishes we collectively own. We didn't get through the entire thing, but we now have a decent selection of pots&pans and baking dishes, and we don't have a lot of crappy plastic storage containers--we put the crappy/mismatched ones in either the recycling or the donate box; we'll need some more containers, but good quality. We also have a donate box or two that will hang out for a little while just in case we really miss that one pot, or something. We went through the cleaning supplies, and have some things that we're just going to use up and then replace with environmentally friendlier stuff, and we have a box full of toxic waste that we'll get rid of through the toxic-waste-getting-rid-of-place. (I don't remember what it's called, only that it exists.)
We have enough room in our kitchen for two drying racks--there's a washer that we share with the upstairs people, but no dryer. We may buy a dryer at some point to share with the upstairs people, or we may continue using the drying racks. Two drying racks can dry a decent load of laundry, so I'm inclined to keep doing it this way until this way breaks down, for whatever reason.
Hopefully, there will soon be enough room in our kitchen for two drying racks and a kitchen table. Hopefully, we'll get a kitchen table sometime soon.
We also need to clear out the "Attic", which will be the Office as soon as we get enough boxes out to have both our computers in it. DP is inheriting a desk from a friend of ours, so we need enough space in the room for that Real Soon Now. My desk, complete with computer, is already in there, but I had a desk already.
We made soup the other day; a whole lot of it, because DP has a huge soup pot. Most of it went into the freezer, and I'd like to make another batch soon, but I think we'll need more serving-sized plastic containers first.

Anyway, I need to head out, go home to collect the book that is absolutely due today, and head to the library to drop that off and pick up a book that's on hold for me, so I can eat something before I head to work around 4pm.
Oh, I went to a bike shop DP recommended, and bought panniers for my bike, so that I could ride my bike to and from work, and pick up groceries after work and have a way to carry them. I've been riding down the hill to work, and then biking to the train station, taking the train back up the hill, and then biking home from the train station, but Sunday after work I biked up the hill! It actually took less time than the train route (even assuming that I don't wait for the train at all). I'll have to work up to not needing to rest so much--that hill's a bitch--but it was good.
Anyway, time to go. Love you all.

Moving

I'd wanted to post a detailed account of the situation up to now, but ... I just spent two hours playing Age of Empires instead of working on the house stuff. Which, technically, I said I'd start tomorrow, so I sorta have a free day, but there's other things to do besides pack, sooo ...
Anyway, DP and I found a lovely place a few blocks east of 9th & 9th (which is where I work), and we're moving in very soon: DP has to be out of his place by the 22nd. I'm good until the end of the month, but I'll probably still start moving things before then, and possibly start living there when DP does (and then continue to move the non-daily essentials in).
We'll see how it goes.
I'll try to post frequently, if not in-depth-ly, but no guarantees.
NOW! Off to do laundry and gather artesian well-water (don't know if I'll be able to continue to do that once I've moved ... I'll be eight or more blocks away from the well ... /sadface/).
Love you all.

anxiety

Feeling depressed, anxious. I'm thinking about quitting my life (except for work) for one week. That way, I would always know where I was supposed to be and what was expected of me (except for work). I would quite possibly refuse to talk to anyone except my roommate and my boyfriend (and work). I wouldn't go online, I'd just read and sleep and write and drink tea and listen to music. Maybe I'd watch movies and The Guild and other things that are on the internet. But I wouldn't check my email or anything. I wouldn't attend any social activities (though Tuesday night gaming that takes place at my house might be difficult to avoid; I'd have to visit my boyfriend, I guess).
I really feel like that would lower my anxiety levels considerably.

I'm eating chocolate pudding and drinking sleepy tea. Gaming is over, DP was at work until midnight, and I work tomorrow at eleven. I'm feeling really anxious. And depressed.