And since I mentioned it in an earlier blog, I'd like to note:
Summer Solstice was wonderful. I went camping with a whole bunch of heathens (that's Celtic/Germanic pagans) and my boyfriend, and it was a good time. There was some form of ritual/worship every day, there was singing (DP and I sang a couple songs ... note to self, find the lyrics to the entirety of 'Blue Boat Home' for next time), and there was general enjoyment of each other's company.
DP and I roasted marshmallows, which fed my soul, because the last time we camped (in March), I failed to remember marshmallows. (Note to self, look for gluten-free graham crackers for s'mores.)
I even wrote a tiny bit--I brought my little computer with me because it has about 7 hours' worth of battery, and I figured it would be useful if I found myself really wanting to write. And I did, a little bit.
Also, since we got back, Steven has given me how-tos for medieval-ish Celtic women's dress, and I'm pretty excited about it. At some point in time, I will go to a fabric store and get some fabric for it, and hopefully have most of an outfit by early August, which is the next Holy Day (Lughnasadh), and the next camping-with-heathens opportunity. (I'll need penannular brooches to hold the thing together, though ... hmmm .... must work on that ... on the other hand, my birthday's in July ... )
02 July 2010
01 July 2010
Age
It's July! I'll be 27 in a couple weeks ... Not sure how I feel about that yet. 26 didn't seem that much different from 25, which was firmly in the mid-twenties, but 27 seems a step over into the territory of the late twenties, which is dangerously close to 30.
And though I resist as much as possible the age prejudices that our society expects of us (I generally feel insulted when people ask me if I'm 18, because I really think I'm more mature than that; and I guess it has something to do with the fact that I'm not so good at telling people's ages from how they look, and thus I generally go by how they act, and I expect other people to operate the same, which I recognize is folly), I am still somewhat daunted by 30.
Thirty seems to be some kind of magical age for women; the age when everything starts to slip from you. If you're not married by thirty, you never will be. If you're still single at thirty, god forbid, the dating pool thins out drastically, so we hear, and your prospects for happiness drop sharply. And, the worst crime of all, if you haven't had a child by age thirty, people will come out of the woodworks to remind you that you are in serious danger of passing your prime, and even at 26, I've heard of all the "dangers" of trying to bear children after, say, 35.
And though I am not yet convinced that having children is what I need to do with my life, I am a woman and a Cancer, and thus have both my biological clock and the stars nudging at me to have children, in addition to my society telling me that that is my role in life. And while I am currently in a relationship, I am not married (and not even certain that's what I need to do with my life right now), and thus I approach my late twenties with some amount of trepidation.
Back to age prejudice for a moment, because I want to relate something that happened to me at work. It was sometime in June, and one of my coworkers asked if "ya'll" had had your graduation yet (and I'm not entirely sure where she's from, nor am I too familiar with the various dialects that use the word 'ya'll', so I can't be sure if this was a usage of singular or plural 2nd person pronoun). I still have friends in college, so if she had asked me that a month earlier, I might not have been so confused, because I would have been thinking about college graduations. As it was, I was very confused, and didn't say anything, merely gave her a puzzled look. She said, "Oh, are you a junior?" I continued to look at her puzzledly, still completely blank, I guess because I didn't understand why she was asking about graduation in June. She said, "High school?"
Finally, I got it. And felt insulted, that she could think I had anything in the world in common with 17-year-olds. No offense to the 17-year-olds of the world (my little sister recently joined their ranks), but the difference between a basically adult maturity level and attitude and that of a teenager is huge, and no matter how young someone looks, you really ought to go with how they act.
I said, "I'm twenty-six."
And she didn't really apologize, but she did exclaim, Well, gosh, you look so young!, and I tried to get her to see my point of view, and she agreed that I was more mature than a 17-year-old. And she told me that her son/daughter (I don't remember which) felt the same way I did, but then dismissed both of our points of view to tell me (like I'd never heard it before), Oh you'll be grateful when you're older.
I can look at it now and say, Well, maybe at her age the maturity difference between a teenager and someone in their mid-twenties isn't really that great; maybe she looks at me the same way I look at the teenager, both of us saying, Really? That's what you're worrying about? Just you wait ...
And though I feel like my worries about health and money and insurance and jobs and housing are basically adult worries, maybe there is some difference that I will only know on the other side of, say, age thirty.
But I still think it's rude to completely dismiss someone's point of view and say, Oh, you'll feel differently later, as though that invalidates what you're feeling now.
Anyway, writing group is meeting tonight, which means I still have a couple little things I need to finish, so off I go. Love you all! Wish me happy birthday in a couple weeks! (It's July 18)
And though I resist as much as possible the age prejudices that our society expects of us (I generally feel insulted when people ask me if I'm 18, because I really think I'm more mature than that; and I guess it has something to do with the fact that I'm not so good at telling people's ages from how they look, and thus I generally go by how they act, and I expect other people to operate the same, which I recognize is folly), I am still somewhat daunted by 30.
Thirty seems to be some kind of magical age for women; the age when everything starts to slip from you. If you're not married by thirty, you never will be. If you're still single at thirty, god forbid, the dating pool thins out drastically, so we hear, and your prospects for happiness drop sharply. And, the worst crime of all, if you haven't had a child by age thirty, people will come out of the woodworks to remind you that you are in serious danger of passing your prime, and even at 26, I've heard of all the "dangers" of trying to bear children after, say, 35.
And though I am not yet convinced that having children is what I need to do with my life, I am a woman and a Cancer, and thus have both my biological clock and the stars nudging at me to have children, in addition to my society telling me that that is my role in life. And while I am currently in a relationship, I am not married (and not even certain that's what I need to do with my life right now), and thus I approach my late twenties with some amount of trepidation.
Back to age prejudice for a moment, because I want to relate something that happened to me at work. It was sometime in June, and one of my coworkers asked if "ya'll" had had your graduation yet (and I'm not entirely sure where she's from, nor am I too familiar with the various dialects that use the word 'ya'll', so I can't be sure if this was a usage of singular or plural 2nd person pronoun). I still have friends in college, so if she had asked me that a month earlier, I might not have been so confused, because I would have been thinking about college graduations. As it was, I was very confused, and didn't say anything, merely gave her a puzzled look. She said, "Oh, are you a junior?" I continued to look at her puzzledly, still completely blank, I guess because I didn't understand why she was asking about graduation in June. She said, "High school?"
Finally, I got it. And felt insulted, that she could think I had anything in the world in common with 17-year-olds. No offense to the 17-year-olds of the world (my little sister recently joined their ranks), but the difference between a basically adult maturity level and attitude and that of a teenager is huge, and no matter how young someone looks, you really ought to go with how they act.
I said, "I'm twenty-six."
And she didn't really apologize, but she did exclaim, Well, gosh, you look so young!, and I tried to get her to see my point of view, and she agreed that I was more mature than a 17-year-old. And she told me that her son/daughter (I don't remember which) felt the same way I did, but then dismissed both of our points of view to tell me (like I'd never heard it before), Oh you'll be grateful when you're older.
I can look at it now and say, Well, maybe at her age the maturity difference between a teenager and someone in their mid-twenties isn't really that great; maybe she looks at me the same way I look at the teenager, both of us saying, Really? That's what you're worrying about? Just you wait ...
And though I feel like my worries about health and money and insurance and jobs and housing are basically adult worries, maybe there is some difference that I will only know on the other side of, say, age thirty.
But I still think it's rude to completely dismiss someone's point of view and say, Oh, you'll feel differently later, as though that invalidates what you're feeling now.
Anyway, writing group is meeting tonight, which means I still have a couple little things I need to finish, so off I go. Love you all! Wish me happy birthday in a couple weeks! (It's July 18)
19 June 2010
Changes are starting ...
Because, you know, it's impossible for me to wait once I've basically decided on a course of action. Which is ridiculous, because of how difficult it is for me to make decisions in the first place. Or maybe it makes sense: Oh! I just made a decision! Better act on it, quick, before I change my mind again!
The only thing that's bothering me is I don't see a way to simply "hide" certain posts, making them not visible to the public. If I don't want it up, I have to delete it. I guess.
I'll keep looking, because I don't want to entirely delete something I have written, but I may have to do something drastic, or at least time-consuming ...
Life is happening again, slowly. I did laundry today (I have at least three more loads to do--I wash all my clothes by hand, now--not counting towels and bedding and stuff) and I've gotten most of the way through updating my budgeting project (now all I have to do is go through the times when the money had to come out my checking account but was supposed to come out my savings account, so I can be sure my money's all where it's supposed to be). I did not clean the kitchen today, but my roommate promised to do dishes tonight, so I think I'll wait till morning to clean the kitchen, so there are fewer dirty dishes in my way, and I don't have to wash all the dishes just to get at my counter space.
I'm leaving very soon for my boyfriend's house, where we will eat dinner and watch a documentary that he got from Netflix ... we have to return it so we can get a new movie, but he's had it for over a month and is pretty sure that the only way he'll watch it is if I watch it with him ... *sigh*
Anyway, gotta go! Love you all!
The only thing that's bothering me is I don't see a way to simply "hide" certain posts, making them not visible to the public. If I don't want it up, I have to delete it. I guess.
I'll keep looking, because I don't want to entirely delete something I have written, but I may have to do something drastic, or at least time-consuming ...
Life is happening again, slowly. I did laundry today (I have at least three more loads to do--I wash all my clothes by hand, now--not counting towels and bedding and stuff) and I've gotten most of the way through updating my budgeting project (now all I have to do is go through the times when the money had to come out my checking account but was supposed to come out my savings account, so I can be sure my money's all where it's supposed to be). I did not clean the kitchen today, but my roommate promised to do dishes tonight, so I think I'll wait till morning to clean the kitchen, so there are fewer dirty dishes in my way, and I don't have to wash all the dishes just to get at my counter space.
I'm leaving very soon for my boyfriend's house, where we will eat dinner and watch a documentary that he got from Netflix ... we have to return it so we can get a new movie, but he's had it for over a month and is pretty sure that the only way he'll watch it is if I watch it with him ... *sigh*
Anyway, gotta go! Love you all!
16 June 2010
I'm thinking of making changes. To the blog.
This has somewhat to do with what was said at CONduit (the SciFi/Fantasy Convention I attended in May) about making sure you have a professional appearance online so that editors and agents can look at you and see what you're like, what you like, what the people who pay attention to you already are like--you know, because if I started selling books, I'm sure you would all buy them, right?
And I used to think that sort of thing was utter bullshit--like most of my generation, I believe--that it violated my right as a human being (or I guess as an American, but what, really, is the difference? say the Americans) to express myself, to say whatever I want.
Fair enough, but as the saying goes, you have the right to express yourself however you like, and I have the right to respond however I like (so long as we're not arresting you simply for speaking your mind).
I think we all like the idea of "anonymously" sending our shit out to the universe, but I think we all know it doesn't happen that way. And I find I don't feel the need to share my troubles with the entire internet. In my non-digital life, I'm seriously discreet about what I tell to whom, and maybe that's what I like about the send-out call to the internet: I write about how awful my day was, or how I was treated poorly, or something, and I can't control who sees it, and it's kind of an exercise in being more open with myself, but it's not really, because I'm still hiding behind a (false) layer of anonymity. I don't have to see the faces of anyone reading this.
The first option is to censor this blog, to go through and find the posts that I don't need random strangers seeing, and hiding them or deleting them or whatever, and then changing the look of it, getting rid of some of the quotes around it, and even changing the name of it and ideally the URL, over the course of a couple months, I guess. Maybe a little longer.
The second option is to continue this blog as is, but to make it private, to make it so only people I know can see it. I believe this is possible, but I haven't looked into it yet to find out. Then, I would make a new blog (that hopefully my friends would all still follow) that is more of a public blog.
Both options have merit, I believe.
So, I'm going to think about it for a time, and if you, my delightful readers, have an opinion, please share it. Right at this moment, I believe I am leaning toward the first option.
On a less existential sort of blogging-about-blogging note, life has been busy and full lately. Facebook knows a little more of what I've been doing, because it's simply less intimidating to tell Facebook about things ... which is another reason I've been thinking about changing the blog, because it's intimidating me, and I haven't been updating. Clearly time for a change.
In brief: I visited my aunt and uncle in Flagstaff with my boyfriend, I began the process for getting a tattoo (more on that later), I went to CONduit (which was an experience made entirely of awesome), I began some other processes that will hopefully lead me to getting work or a job that I will actually enjoy (more on that maybe), and I and my choir went to New York to sing in Carnegie Hall. I got back from that last one very late Tuesday.
In future news, I'm going camping with some Pagans soon, I'm going on a writer's retreat in August, and my boyfriend and I have talked about juggling conventions in Portland and Seattle in September-ish (he juggles).
Love you all, chat with you later.
This has somewhat to do with what was said at CONduit (the SciFi/Fantasy Convention I attended in May) about making sure you have a professional appearance online so that editors and agents can look at you and see what you're like, what you like, what the people who pay attention to you already are like--you know, because if I started selling books, I'm sure you would all buy them, right?
And I used to think that sort of thing was utter bullshit--like most of my generation, I believe--that it violated my right as a human being (or I guess as an American, but what, really, is the difference? say the Americans) to express myself, to say whatever I want.
Fair enough, but as the saying goes, you have the right to express yourself however you like, and I have the right to respond however I like (so long as we're not arresting you simply for speaking your mind).
I think we all like the idea of "anonymously" sending our shit out to the universe, but I think we all know it doesn't happen that way. And I find I don't feel the need to share my troubles with the entire internet. In my non-digital life, I'm seriously discreet about what I tell to whom, and maybe that's what I like about the send-out call to the internet: I write about how awful my day was, or how I was treated poorly, or something, and I can't control who sees it, and it's kind of an exercise in being more open with myself, but it's not really, because I'm still hiding behind a (false) layer of anonymity. I don't have to see the faces of anyone reading this.
The first option is to censor this blog, to go through and find the posts that I don't need random strangers seeing, and hiding them or deleting them or whatever, and then changing the look of it, getting rid of some of the quotes around it, and even changing the name of it and ideally the URL, over the course of a couple months, I guess. Maybe a little longer.
The second option is to continue this blog as is, but to make it private, to make it so only people I know can see it. I believe this is possible, but I haven't looked into it yet to find out. Then, I would make a new blog (that hopefully my friends would all still follow) that is more of a public blog.
Both options have merit, I believe.
So, I'm going to think about it for a time, and if you, my delightful readers, have an opinion, please share it. Right at this moment, I believe I am leaning toward the first option.
On a less existential sort of blogging-about-blogging note, life has been busy and full lately. Facebook knows a little more of what I've been doing, because it's simply less intimidating to tell Facebook about things ... which is another reason I've been thinking about changing the blog, because it's intimidating me, and I haven't been updating. Clearly time for a change.
In brief: I visited my aunt and uncle in Flagstaff with my boyfriend, I began the process for getting a tattoo (more on that later), I went to CONduit (which was an experience made entirely of awesome), I began some other processes that will hopefully lead me to getting work or a job that I will actually enjoy (more on that maybe), and I and my choir went to New York to sing in Carnegie Hall. I got back from that last one very late Tuesday.
In future news, I'm going camping with some Pagans soon, I'm going on a writer's retreat in August, and my boyfriend and I have talked about juggling conventions in Portland and Seattle in September-ish (he juggles).
Love you all, chat with you later.
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