09 December 2007

Snow Feels Like Hope

I'm slightly depressed.
My lover (the relationship that wasn't going anywhere) ended it Friday. I know I was saying that it was an unhealthy relationship and needed to be over and all that, but it really caught me off-guard. We'd been having a good conversation, and I felt really close to him, and suddenly he was talking about ending it, and I was really surprised.
The depression has been pretty decent for my creating, though. Last night I took pictures for the first time in forever (besides taking picture of my hair). So that was good. (Winter Lights on dA)

Friday evening, I got out of his car, crying, and it was raining, like the sky was crying, and I got onto the train and opened my book and didn't look up until I was at my stop. So I was surprised when I got out to find that it was snowing. Big fluffy white flakes drifting softly, and it felt like hope.
So it hasn't stopped snowing for long since then, and while I know I'll get tired of the snow, I can't help but to feel slightly more hopeful every time I see the snow falling.

So, I'm going to try my celibacy thing again. (I never did find a term I was satisfied with.)

Meh. I'm getting more depressed. I also need to read my cards for the day. And then start doing mundane things like eating and showering.


  1. Sounds like you're better off - cheer up - don't let the end of a relationship that was going no where get you down.

  2. Hey sweetheart. I'm sorry for your loss.

    I don't know how interested in Thelema you are, but Saturday night (12/15) there is a Gnostic Mass happening. Would you like to come with? Before heading over there, I've invited a few people to come for dinner at my place (around 6ish). I promise it will be better than the last time I had you come over! Let me know if you're interested. :)

  3. Awww, I'm sorry to hear about that. Although the relationship wasn't going anywhere, and it sounds like you're better off without it, I know it's difficult anyway. Any sort of change is always uncomfortable to deal with.

    As always, hugs.

    P.S. Thanks for the St. John's Wort tips. I'll definitely try it.


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