I'm not really looking forward to New Year's.
I think I wouldn't mind so much if I was in my own place. I could just hang out at home and do my own thing, if I had no other plans.
But if I have no other plans, then hanging out here means running into my family's stuff. I'd rather do nothing than spend New Years' with my family.
I'm feeling isolated and lonely. Probably because I just came back from a party. It relates to what I said in my earlier blog, that I have trouble feeling connections once the people I feel connected to are gone. I felt like I had friends at the party, but now that it's over and I'm home, I feel more isolated than ever.
A part of me really wants someone to kiss--under the mistletoe, at the stroke of midnight, at a party, it doesn't even matter.
Anyway. It's fucking late.
Goodnight.
Happy Christmas Eve.
I'm commenting on this post as well as your last post . . .
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I know what you mean about losing that sense of connection with people after not seeing them for a while. I barely remember the names of the friends I had back in Pennsylvania, and I've only been away from them for 2 years. It does suck, but at the same time, you eventually meet new friends who become just as significant and important. Also, if you do move to Chicago, we should definitely hang out sometime, because I'm in need of making new friends too (most of them are going off to graduate school in the Fall).
Second, I really don't like New Year's Eve either. I end up going to a party, watch everyone else kiss at midnight, and I'm standing there against the wall downing a gin and tonic. Fuuuuuun.
My sister said something about that, that it's okay, I can make new friends in Chicago.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm wrong, and maybe it is normal for all humans to lose their connection to people they haven't seen in a while. But I know people who have significant connections with people all over the world, and they don't seem to have the trouble I have, with that connection fading the longer they're away.
Whatever they've got, I want it, because having friends in more than one place (and being able to feel connected to people who aren't around) would help me feel much less lonely and isolated, you know?
I expect some friends to come and go, of course, but some of the significant friendships I have now, I don't want those to go away just because I moved and am incapable of integrating their life essence into my self.
But yes, if I do move to Chicago, I absolutely would love to hang out with you, because you kick ass.
Clearly, a new type of New Year's Eve party needs to be invented. One where there significantly fewer couples kissing, and maybe more ... I dunno. Dancing? Crazy dancing to eighties music? Or crazy dancing to the craziest music anyone can find. Or games. Maybe? I'm not sure. I sure as hell won't be hosting a party this year, so I have a whole year to figure this out.
New Years...
ReplyDeleteMy friend Jay's (the one who was Queen Elizabeth on Halloween) roommates are having a party for New Years. these are fun parties- no real couples- just a bunch of people drinking and talking. There was a "Happy Birthday, Jesus" party on Saturday night, and it was a LOT of fun. There was make your own crown of thorns, and people drew the stigmata on their hands and stuff. A bunch of us played card games and talked about stuff. I had a great time because there were a bunch of Aquariuses there, lol. The New Years party looks to be a hit like that. I know so far we haven't the best track record when it comes to me inviting you to parties, but if you want to, this one is going to be a really fun time. :)