15 September 2007

Alanis Morissette

because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't afford to be misread one more time

and who do you think you are why do you question me?
Can't Not, by Alanis Morissette

Sorry, but my life right now is revolving around certain things: my thyroid and how it affects me and how so many people have completely misread me, the note I got from my "friend" and wondering how the rest of that group of friends feels about me, and the way the past keeps repeating itself, and how I always want to run away whenever I fuck up that badly.

It's just that I'd complain about some of the ways my body's not working, and people would always just be like, oh, it's just stress. You're not depressed, you're stressed. Your body's not falling apart, you're just stressed. You're not going crazy, you're just stressed. (Oh, wait.)
I remember vividly talking to the Storyteller of the Sunday games, telling him about problems I've already complained about (the constant fatigue, the inability to sleep, etc.), and then I told him the "new development", that thyroid problems run in my family, and I think that might be it. Now, I didn't mention that I had just learned this that weekend, because I figured he'd understand that since I hadn't mentioned it before, he would realize I hadn't known about it before.
No. He assumed I had known about it all along, and basically told me, you're just imagining things. You're just looking for a reason, an excuse, when really, you're just stressed.
And I mean, I guess it makes sense. It makes sense that people would already know their own family's medical history, and all that.
The problem, of course, being that I'm not most people. My dad was adopted, and has no medical history from his biological parents. And my dad's the one who brought us the thyroid problem.

I'm supposed to be cleaning (again, my "rent"), but I was listening to Alanis while cleaning, heard the song, and had to post a note.
Laters, before dad finds me on the computer and yells at me.


  1. Hmm... thyroid = suck.

    Do you want to go out tonight? I know you said next week, maybe, but it sounds like you might need a break. Please let me know!!!

  2. Haha, actually, Cecil DID call you back. Around 11:30PM. I was there. You were sleeping. He said, "She won't remember this in the morning." He was right.

    So... want to hang out tonight? It's my friend Kyler's 24th birthday, so we're going out. Cecil's probably (hopefully) coming, and so is our mutual friend.

    I do not have your number. email it to me: heather (at) deseretfirefly (dot) (com). My cell is 801-637 8602


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