31 January 2009


I'm exaggerating slightly, but ... I went on a date! (I haven't done much of that recently.) I had about a weekend of feeling really excited and happy and all those feelings that accompany a new person in your life, and then he said that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend. (He'd had a recent and bad breakup that was more recent than I'd really been aware.)
But the thing is ... well, there's a few things. I am so ready for a partner: I haven't had any really stable relationships since Nicholas (early 2006), just lovers and brief boyfriends. And I needed that, I really did. I have noticed so much growth because I spent some time not in real relationships (I think the most growth occurred during that awful lonely six months of Chicago before dating Phil briefly--six months of actual loverlessness).
But now? Now I want someone to be there, to be a part of my life. I've been pushing people and things away, out of my life, for three years now, getting rid of bad habits and as much shit as I could. And now I need to embrace, I need to bring things (and people) into my life.
I'm lonely.
But, also, I really like this boy. And obviously I don't know if it would be a stable relationship, but I was willing to try.
Fortunately, it's still really easy to be friends with him. So we'll see how things go.

I was going to write about other things besides a boy, but I'm getting tired. And talking about it (I spent a full day really depressed, after we had that talk, and another day slightly depressed) kind of deflated everything else I was thinking about ...

I love you all!!


  1. Hey grrrl, I'm just catching up on your blog. First off, I'm sorry about this boy (I think you told me about him a few months ago). This is just my opinion, but some boys are simply emotionally inept and have difficult times getting over previous relationships (i.e. pining over someone who's unavailable). But they can and do come around . . . eventually. I'm not saying this is your case, but Willy and I met under VERY similar circumstances, and I ended up being "just a friend" for over a year before we actually settled into a very serious relationship. Just an observation.


  2. No, actually, Britta, this is a different boy ... I've come across multiple boys who have had recent breakups ... But whatever ...
    (And, I need to catch up on your blog ... :( )


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