I'm exaggerating slightly, but ... I went on a date! (I haven't done much of that recently.) I had about a weekend of feeling really excited and happy and all those feelings that accompany a new person in your life, and then he said that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend. (He'd had a recent and bad breakup that was more recent than I'd really been aware.)
But the thing is ... well, there's a few things. I am so ready for a partner: I haven't had any really stable relationships since Nicholas (early 2006), just lovers and brief boyfriends. And I needed that, I really did. I have noticed so much growth because I spent some time not in real relationships (I think the most growth occurred during that awful lonely six months of Chicago before dating Phil briefly--six months of actual loverlessness).
But now? Now I want someone to be there, to be a part of my life. I've been pushing people and things away, out of my life, for three years now, getting rid of bad habits and as much shit as I could. And now I need to embrace, I need to bring things (and people) into my life.
But, also, I really like this boy. And obviously I don't know if it would be a stable relationship, but I was willing to try.
Fortunately, it's still really easy to be friends with him. So we'll see how things go.
I was going to write about other things besides a boy, but I'm getting tired. And talking about it (I spent a full day really depressed, after we had that talk, and another day slightly depressed) kind of deflated everything else I was thinking about ...
I love you all!!