... that is, if I can manage it.
Let's talk about something other than my health, mental or otherwise, or lack thereof, I said to myself. But then, as I was waiting for everything to load (because my computer's reeeeeeally slow), I thought, what else can I talk about?
I have no real interest in talking about my job, or my pitiful attempts to find a different job, although I would be happy to talk about why my attempts have been pitiful, which verges on health or mental health, or lack thereof.
I have no interest in discussing in detail my romantic life (except when I'm manic), and while I could talk about how it's generally doing, an adequate coverage of that would require me to talk about my mental health, or lack thereof.
I could talk about my writing (and how I haven't done any yet today, which is because of physical health--see below), but I don't like to talk about it in detail before I make you read it, anyway. Or I could possibly talk about my other creative pursuits, which have mostly dried up lately--I don't know why.
I will mention the fact that yesterday I tripped on absolutely nothing (damn, there I go again, mentioning something that I believe points to mental health or lack thereof, although my friend Holly said it could be spiritually-based) and faceplanted (or palm planted?) in loose gravel, asphalt, dirt, some weeds. My right palm is ... well, not quite hamburger, but it's tore up a bit, and my left middle finger has a strip of skin missing from the cuticle to nearly my first knuckle. Today I poured hydrogen peroxide over the wounds to get the dirt out, and damn it works. It stings, but not nearly as bad as the epsom salts-goldenseal-hot water combination did yesterday (at least some of that was the hot water, as it wasn't nearly as bad--but still godawful--once the water cooled down). (Oh, also, I took some analgesics (painkillers, acetaminophen, to be precise), hoping that would help with the pain, which it didn't really, but I felt two waves of the pain-numbing that anagelsics always give me--it's kind of like being high.)
So, this morning, instead of going about my morning things, like I did yesterday like a good girl, I sat down in front of my computer and immediately turned on the internet to look up how to get rid of the dirt. So it's nearly 4pm, and this is the only writing I've done all day, plus I'm still in my pajamas. But that's more--damn. That's more the depression ... which is definitely about mental health, or lack thereof.
Anyway, the wounds are, as far as I can tell, dirt-and-foreign-objects-free, but still infected. It's difficult. The little wounds are so little, it's hard to properly get all the infection out, and the bigger one is still raw, and I'm worried about doing too much to it.
So, something not at all related to health is: I am currently listening to Cake Bake Betty, who is delightful (thanks again to Jim to introducing me to her, along with Amanda Palmer/Dresden Dolls, who have changed my life ... but in a mental health sort of way). I'm currently listening to The Charge (Knocturnul) kind of over and over, because it's amazing. At some point, I may change it so it's shuffling, but for now I love the part where she says, "Oh Lord, is, Oh Lord, is this my ship coming in? I'm not ready, I'm not ready for this" too much to want to listen to something else. It's amazing.
Also, back to mental health, I've been feeling really compelled (OCD) to organize. I want to change all the tags in my blog. I've got way too many, it's seriously unwieldy, and, really, how often do I talk about, say, Hallowe'en? Once a year? Packing and unpacking? Only when I move, I imagine. And do I really need both of those, and also moving? Likewise, do I really need both tiredness and exhaustion? Etc. So, I've been thinking about getting rid of some of these things, and combining other things, like say, collapsing addiction, brain, codependency, depression, forgetfulness, manic, manic-depression, mind, suicide, and possibly emotion and feeling into mental health.
Ooh, and I kinda want a web-cam/microphone, so I can do a spoken blog sometimes. (Completely random desire, probably will never be fulfilled, at least not until I get a better computer, and prompted only by Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog and Felicia Day's The Guild, and the way it sounded when I read the last bit aloud.)
Anyway, I really should go, so I can eat, write, finish reading and critiquing the chapter for my writing group tonight, and maybe even shower before writing group. The organizing project is probably not going to happen tonight.
Love you all.
P.S. I might actually talk about the things I merely mentioned earlier in this post, but not right now.
P.P.S. I did completely mean to talk about Holly's spiritually-based theory for why I tripped on absolutely nothing, so I'll do that before I go: I've been chanting a Kali mantra (twice a day for forty days). Kali is the Destroyer of Negative Ego, and this mantra is the Spiritual Evolution Mantra that is Quick, Powerful and Unyielding. Kali comes in with razor-sharp precision to cut away anything impeding your Spiritual Evolution, and Holly's suggestion was that She's rearranging my brain. And so I am applying that to everything that's been really bothering me within the last couple weeks, starting with my memory loss and my inability to find the words I want to my inability to think and my tripping over absolutely nothing. Holly suggested a Lakshmi mantra after the Kali cycle, to ask to be filled with the things I do need.