Hey, it's my new theme song! Or definitely should have been a couple months ago (when I got that crappy email). It is, of course, Emilie Autumn, it is called If You Feel Better, and it's from Enchant, and I'm changing one word to make it more my theme song--her line is: "How can any man be so blind".
If you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
I don't mind
If it's necessary
If it helps you out
Crying that I'm heartless
It's alright
And I'm sorry to cause you so much pain
And I'm sorry to bring you down again
'Cause I've reached the end and I won't fight anymore
I don't know what you really want from me
But I don't fit in your reality
How can anyone be so blind
But if you feel better
I don't mind
Won't make me sorry 'cause I'm cruel
Won't hurt the feelings I don't have
Won't break the heart that isn't there you'll find
But if you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
I don't mind
I must say again, I absolutely ADORE Enchant. And I feel terrible, because I've been ignoring Laced/Unlaced, and Unlaced is amazing.
Oh, I also had some very good chats with people today.
Tara, my boss: we talked about insurance and how I may be able to get insurance next month, instead of waiting six months. We also discussed my hypothyroidism, and it was very, very good. (Note to self: talking to people and trusting people is very good for me.) Ummm, she also said some really nice about what I'm like when I'm functioning. That was good, because I feel so fucking misunderstood a lot of the time, because of the thyroid fucking with me.
Dad: we chatted about how he's mostly worried about my (lack of) insurance, and if I can pay for insurance+doctor's bills and take care of myself on the Bakery paycheck, that he, despite practically forcing me (I was unwilling) to apply for crappy jobs through Monster, doesn't actually care what I do for a living. He was mostly worried (apparently) about the fact that I was going to have to wait six months to have insurance.
I also spent some time with a good friend of mine I kinda like the other night. We chatted a lot. Mostly about stupid stuff, nothing serious. But again, it was just nice to sit and talk, and not worry about anything. I worry too much. About what people think, what they're saying about me behind my back, when they're going to decide they hate me and never want to talk to me again.
Anyway. I am fucking tired, so I'm going to sleep.
If you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
I don't mind
If it's necessary
If it helps you out
Crying that I'm heartless
It's alright
And I'm sorry to cause you so much pain
And I'm sorry to bring you down again
'Cause I've reached the end and I won't fight anymore
I don't know what you really want from me
But I don't fit in your reality
How can anyone be so blind
But if you feel better
I don't mind
Won't make me sorry 'cause I'm cruel
Won't hurt the feelings I don't have
Won't break the heart that isn't there you'll find
But if you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
I don't mind
I must say again, I absolutely ADORE Enchant. And I feel terrible, because I've been ignoring Laced/Unlaced, and Unlaced is amazing.
Oh, I also had some very good chats with people today.
Tara, my boss: we talked about insurance and how I may be able to get insurance next month, instead of waiting six months. We also discussed my hypothyroidism, and it was very, very good. (Note to self: talking to people and trusting people is very good for me.) Ummm, she also said some really nice about what I'm like when I'm functioning. That was good, because I feel so fucking misunderstood a lot of the time, because of the thyroid fucking with me.
Dad: we chatted about how he's mostly worried about my (lack of) insurance, and if I can pay for insurance+doctor's bills and take care of myself on the Bakery paycheck, that he, despite practically forcing me (I was unwilling) to apply for crappy jobs through Monster, doesn't actually care what I do for a living. He was mostly worried (apparently) about the fact that I was going to have to wait six months to have insurance.
I also spent some time with a good friend of mine I kinda like the other night. We chatted a lot. Mostly about stupid stuff, nothing serious. But again, it was just nice to sit and talk, and not worry about anything. I worry too much. About what people think, what they're saying about me behind my back, when they're going to decide they hate me and never want to talk to me again.
Anyway. I am fucking tired, so I'm going to sleep.
Oooo, that is a good song.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm really replying to your posting from the other day. I have a friend who had a baby about 5 years ago in vitro. She may not have a man in her life, but she is so happy with a son in her life now, and I'm happy for her. I'll admit, though, it's gotta be difficult raising a child alone, but she's much older and wiser than me. She has her life together, and the only thing missing was a child. So, maybe down the road, it might be something that would work out for you. Who knows?
I'm glad that things are starting to look up for you. You are an amazing person!
ReplyDeleteThere's a Halloween party a friend of mine is throwing (it's kind of a big shindig event kind of thing) on Saturday night. Would you like to come with? :)
YES this Saturday. I am not sure of time/place but it is definitely on Saturday night. My cell got shut off, but my home number is four eight six six one five seven. :D
ReplyDeleteI can pick you up in the afternoon beforehand, and we can get ready at my place. Afterward, you can crash at my place if you'd like, or wherever we end up. There's going to be radical fairies, rainbow family, and other kinds of fun as well as queer people there, so I expect it's going to be AWESOME!!! I'm so psyched!!!!!