01 October 2007

Train Wreck

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
Alanis Morissette, So Unsexy

I do. I dunno, maybe I'm depressed. I feel . . . plain. Unbeautiful.
I shaved my hair to create my own kind of beautiful, being tired of and annoyed by our culture's version of beautiful, which involves long, thick hair. My hair is very fine, and falls limp if it's too long.
But I am not conventionally beautiful. My features are strong and . . . unusual. My hair is thin, with no body, and doesn't look as good long. I feel awkward, too tall, clumsy.
I dunno. My two younger sisters are both better-looking than I am. In high school, when my sister started, people from my grade, whom I'd known for years but never been friends with, would come up to me and tell me, "Hey, your sister's really hot."
Gee thanks. I really needed that.
A friend of mine I kinda like said the same thing.

I mean, sometimes I feel attractive. And there are people (most notably my boyfriends) who find me attractive.
I just don't feel attractive tonight.


Would your love in all its finery
tear at the darkness all around me
until I can feel again
until I can breathe again

Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
I've no fear at all

Would your eyes like midnight fireflies
light up the trenches where my heart lies
until I can see again
to find my way back again


To fall so deep into you
lose myself completely
in your sweet embrace
all my pains erased

From your mouth its all that I wish
the mercy of your lips just one kiss
until I can breathe again
so that I can sing again

Train Wreck, Sarah McLachlan

1 comment:

  1. I think it's so funny that you feel that way about yourself, because I think you're incredibly gorgeous.

    I am not conventionally, supermodel thin, but I find myself to be the best looking thing ever. Maybe it's because I'm a narcissist.

    It's weird to me to have people I know who do not think they are gorgeous. It's hard for me to understand how anyone could think of themselves in a less than positive light. I guess not everyone has oodles of self-confidence just lying around somewhere.

    Seriously, though, Rowan. You are beautiful, and you are intelligent and amazing. If I were to define a 'type' for woman, you'd fit every qualification on my 'type list.'

    I don't want to weird you out, but seriously. You are HOT. Fuck convention... just because you're not EVERYONE'S perfect 10 doesn't mean that you aren't a perfect 10. :D


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