More on a similar topic (similar to my last post).
I've had lots of thoughts swirling around in my head, and I'm not sure they're ready for culmination and expulsion yet.
But here goes:
The tea shop at which I work (that is not yet open) is owned by an older British couple, Robin and Elizabeth. They are somewhat conservative. Elizabeth has this very solid idea in her mind of what she wants the girls serving the customers to look like, complete with lacy aprons that are a story all their own.
She has told two of the three girls working on the counter (immediately upon meeting them) how cute they would look in the lacy aprons. Guess who the third girl is?
Nathaniel (a coworker) told me the other day (while trying on the aforementioned aprons) that it was the first time I'd looked like a girl.
I saw a girl today walking on the arm of a man; her hair was shaved off, shorter than mine is now, possibly shorter than mine has ever been, and I thought of that horrible email my "friend" sent me. What she said about my hair, and I quote: "i don't know why you shaved your head, but it looks horrible. i thought i could stand it until it grew back in, but then when it started to get long again, you shaved it! I had gotten my hopes up that it would get long and normal…oh well." And she said other nasty things about me "pretending to be sexy", etc. And I thought about someone whose opinion matters very much to me who said he liked my hair better when it was longer and more growed out.
And I thought, Do I care about being physically attractive?
I still don't have an answer.
I shaved my hair to redefine (for myself) physical beauty, because I have gone through major love/hate relationships with my appearance. I shaved my hair as part of my descent, as in "the Goddess rebirths, cuts her hair and goes under to tend the sleeping souls". I shaved my hair because I am interested in a warrior's path, on which I might learn about strength, and honor, and dealing with pain, and in my mind, I had two options: growing my hair long and putting it in either dreads or braids, decorated with beads and feathers, like warriors of lots of ancient cultures; or shaving my hair, like warriors of my culture. I chose the latter because of Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta, and also because I don't think long hair looks very good on me.
And when I shaved my hair, my descent was much clearer and sharper for me, and my roommate suggested that it was a symbolic beheading, and I was very comfortable with death and decay.
And now I am looking at older pictures of myself, and thinking of all the things people have said to and about me (that I know of), and thinking maybe I should grow my hair out again. It looked really cute that time when I cut it myself.
And I have no fucking clue.
I've had lots of thoughts swirling around in my head, and I'm not sure they're ready for culmination and expulsion yet.
But here goes:
The tea shop at which I work (that is not yet open) is owned by an older British couple, Robin and Elizabeth. They are somewhat conservative. Elizabeth has this very solid idea in her mind of what she wants the girls serving the customers to look like, complete with lacy aprons that are a story all their own.
She has told two of the three girls working on the counter (immediately upon meeting them) how cute they would look in the lacy aprons. Guess who the third girl is?
Nathaniel (a coworker) told me the other day (while trying on the aforementioned aprons) that it was the first time I'd looked like a girl.
I saw a girl today walking on the arm of a man; her hair was shaved off, shorter than mine is now, possibly shorter than mine has ever been, and I thought of that horrible email my "friend" sent me. What she said about my hair, and I quote: "i don't know why you shaved your head, but it looks horrible. i thought i could stand it until it grew back in, but then when it started to get long again, you shaved it! I had gotten my hopes up that it would get long and normal…oh well." And she said other nasty things about me "pretending to be sexy", etc. And I thought about someone whose opinion matters very much to me who said he liked my hair better when it was longer and more growed out.
And I thought, Do I care about being physically attractive?
I still don't have an answer.
I shaved my hair to redefine (for myself) physical beauty, because I have gone through major love/hate relationships with my appearance. I shaved my hair as part of my descent, as in "the Goddess rebirths, cuts her hair and goes under to tend the sleeping souls". I shaved my hair because I am interested in a warrior's path, on which I might learn about strength, and honor, and dealing with pain, and in my mind, I had two options: growing my hair long and putting it in either dreads or braids, decorated with beads and feathers, like warriors of lots of ancient cultures; or shaving my hair, like warriors of my culture. I chose the latter because of Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta, and also because I don't think long hair looks very good on me.
And when I shaved my hair, my descent was much clearer and sharper for me, and my roommate suggested that it was a symbolic beheading, and I was very comfortable with death and decay.
And now I am looking at older pictures of myself, and thinking of all the things people have said to and about me (that I know of), and thinking maybe I should grow my hair out again. It looked really cute that time when I cut it myself.
And I have no fucking clue.
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ReplyDeleteWow, I never thought about that before, but it's interesting to think about you cutting off your hair to go warrior about, and find who you really are. Anyone who says anything negative to you for wanting to find yourself are just too scared to do the same.
ReplyDeleteI do have to say... dreads would be fantastic on you. If you want to do that, I would be more than happy to spend a Saturday natting them for you. I am very interested in dreads. :)
http://www.knottyboy.com/learn/stepbystep.php
:)